Sample Chapter of: Coaching Steps (All Twelve of Them)

  Step 1 – We admitted that we were powerless…that our lives had become unmanageable.

Admitting powerlessness can be one of the most daunting, yet ironically, empowering achievements. When we are stuck in the rut of (falsely) thinking that we have power to control events and attitudes, we are doomed to be let down. This inevitable let down in the people, places, things we put our trust in causes life to become frustrating and unmanageable. Once we let go of the need to have power and to be powerful, life becomes simple, manageable, and much more livable.

I went with several friends to do some surfing in the Mediterranean. The sky was clear, the water was warm, and the waves were just the right size. It couldn’t have been a better day for surfing. Not far from our surfing spot was an old shipwreck. The ship must have sunk at least 30 years previously and was a rusty, jagged mess. Having surfed that spot several times previously we knew to stay as far away as possible from that disaster waiting to happen. However, there was a friend of ours who had joined us for the first time and was unaware of the shipwreck. We began to hear screaming. It was our friend yelling to us for help. He was about fifteen feet from the wreck and the next wave, which was fast approaching, was about to throw him against the sharp rust edges of the wreck. The strongest swimmer in our group yelled at him to swim as hard as he could right towards the wreck. Logic would have dictated that he should have swum away from the wreck to save his life. Our friend listened to the advice given to him and swam as hard as he could directly towards the shipwreck. The wave came and carried him several feet beyond the rusty crags. If he had swum against the current, the wave would have carried him to a bitter fate. Having admitted powerlessness of his situation, this friend of mine was able to accept the advice of others—advice that saved his life.

When I began my private life coaching practice the first thing I did after getting my first client was to hire a supervisor. My supervisors name is David and he lives in California on the Pacific Coast. You might ask your self, if I am worth my salt as a life coach then what do I need a supervisor for. The answer is this, I am human and I make mistakes just like the rest of us. There are times when my best judgment is compromised by my own agenda, hopes, and aspirations for my clients, during those times, I am powerless and my coaching practice becomes unmanageable. It is for this reason that I hired a supervisor. Why is it that when lost, us men will drive around in circles, waste gas, and be late for our appointments rather than pull into a gas station and ask for directions? If it is because we have too much pride to admit being powerless, that is foolishness. Such pride hampers our efficiency and wastes our precious time, money, and peace of mind, and renders our lives unmanageable. I once heard of a mother who instead of asking her son what he had learned that day in school, would ask him what questions he asked the teacher that day. Learning requires being inquisitive, asking questions, and being open and receptive to answers. Recovery coaching requires being inquisitive, asking questions, and being open and receptive to answers. If we are too embarrassed to ask for help then we are too embarrassed for recovery. Next time we are in a situation, which is difficult or unclear to us, we should be sensible enough to put our embarrassment on hold and ask for help!!!

Every now-and-then each of us has the experience of being under the weather, fluish, feverish, and stuck in bed for a few days. When that happens we are reminded of how vulnerable we are; of how unmanageable our lives are; yet I can’t think of anybody who refuses to acknowledge the reality of lying in bed feeling powerless. It is the very feeling of disempowerment when sick in bed that motivates people to take the action of taking Aspirin or visiting the doctor for a throat culture. When somebody has gangrene, if the condition is not treated immediately, the condition can spread to the rest of the body, putting the person’s life in jeopardy. If not caught in time the foot needs to be amputated. An admission of being powerless to control the condition as is, motivates the person to seek help. Although a person may loose his leg, he will most likely not loose his life. Admission of being powerless and unable to self-manage our lives humbles us, bringing us to accept outside help to manage our lives.

There were two Air force Pilots flying over the sea; one of the jets flipped over (at extremely high speeds fighter jets sometimes flip over). In this case, the pilot whose plane flipped over was unable to distinguish the blue water from the blue sky. His instruments showed that he was right side up and very close to the water (what was down appeared up and what was up appeared down). His partner, in the neighboring plane, corrected him and implored him to pull his plane down hard. The pilot found it difficult to disregard not only his own view, but also the readings of his instruments. Air traffic control confirmed that he was upside down and about to crash into the sea, and pleaded with him to pull his plane “down.” The pilot, admitting that he his own view of reality was rendering him powerless on his own, and that his life had become unmanageable on his own, took a deep breath and pulled the plane steeply “down.” If the pilot had held onto his own view of reality he would have died in an unnecessary plane crash.

Although on our own, we are certainly powerless; and on our own, our lives are unmanageable, we do have the power to admit our powerlessness and the unmanageability of our life circumstances. We are then able to seek guidance and support, then and only then are we able to align ourselves with true power—the power of a support network and the power of our Highest Power.

In what ways are you powerless? In what ways has your life become unmanageable? What is the process you must go through in order to admit that you are powerless…that your life has become unmanageable? How do you feel now that you have humbled yourself by making the admission of powerlessness and unmanageability? What will you do to honor yourself for having completed you First Step?

Thoughts for today:

Live Powerfully, Life Dynamically, Live with Passion, Live with Purpose.

Questions:

How do you define powerful living?

How are you living powerfully?

Who and what assists you with powerful living?

How do you define dynamic living?

In what ways are you living dynamically?

Who and what assists you with dynamic living?

How do you define passionate living?

Who and what assists you with passionate living?

What are some ways in which you are living with passion?

How do you define purposeful living?

Who and what assists you to live purposefully?

How can you go about living a life of greater purpose?